And now it's collapse-time

Earth Day is kind of a big deal when you're an environmental activist.

I have learned that this year.

I only just now finished doing things for the day. I've been going straight since my 8 o'clock class. And the thing is that I know I really should do some more reading tonight for class, but I just can't muster the energy to do it.

I guess I'm really hitting zombie mode. This week is horrible, as far as scheduling goes. Tomorrow is Earth Day, and we're having a huge sustainability fair. I also have a collaborative research meeting, right after the fair. Then, lots of homework. I still have about 100 pages of reading for Thursday and a rough draft for creative writing to do.

Thursday is registration for next semester, three classes, two meetings, and working as a dresser backstage. After that, I'm sure I'll collapse.

Friday is pretty wide open - except I'm going to Take Back The Night that night, and I'm going to try to do homework that day.

Saturday is the garden clean-up and planning session. Then, Saturday night I'm having a henna party as a fundraiser for SoS.

Sunday is homework catch-up, a SPROUT meeting, and then chilling with SPROUT members. Also, swing dancing.

Thankfully, next week isn't nearly as crazy. It just so happens that everything always lines up to bite me in the ass at once.

I'm also going to go to bed early. God, it's like I'm a grown up or something ...

I want to actually post about something, but I can't. This is my life this week. Sad.

When I get to the bottom, I go back to the top of the slide ...

Haven't done a post here in a while.

I'm thinking of phasing out this blog, actually. Right now, I'm doing four blogs, and that's not so good.

This weekend I've felt super bi-polar. I finally collapsed from the financial pressure of Summer of Solutions, and am now trying to dig myself back up to a stable place. That sounds really dramatic, and it sort of is, but it's not all that bad. Just ... a lot of pressure, and an insane week ahead of me.

Yeah, Earth Day tends to be important for us environmentalist-types. It's also Take Back the Night on Friday, which should be fantastic.

Although, I'm still excited about it.

Meeeeeeh. I've been doing henna lately, and will have pictures in my next post. Yes. Pictures are important things.

Writer's Block from good old Livejournal.

LiveJournal is turning 10 and we're feeling nostalgic. What was your first LJ post about?


View other answers
I started this entry yesterday. In answer to that Writer's Block thing about your first post.

This is the original post:

Well, I'm Psykiapa Nithiantum (really, that's not my name, but I'm sure that you guys are bright enough to figure that out.) I should really tell stuff about myself, you know, the basics, my interests, that kind of thing.

I am an important member of society (ie, a broke author that hasn't published one book) that contributes a lot to her peer group. Yes, I am a girl. I not only write, but I play music. Several different kinds. I play Eb saxophone, clarinet, guitar and piano (well, I sort of play guitar and piano, I'm just learning. ;)). I am in the jazz band with my barry sax, but I practice with the alto at home (have you ever tried to lug one of those things around? It's hard!). I'm in Marching Band as well, playing clarinet (hard, but in a different kind of way).

The novel I'm currently working on is untitled, I can't tell you that just yet. I won't tell you the plot either, because someone might steal it from me, and I will remain broke. So just . . . yeah. Don't beat yourselves up.

I participate in the martial arts. My particular art is Okinawa GoJu Ryu. I am a blue belt. (I laugh at those of you who thought I was a black belt for a moment there. *laughs*)

I live in America, but I speak like a British person, people have been confused on that before. I just thought I should clear that up.

My favorite bands include the Beatles and the Goo Goo Dolls. The only music I am adverse to is hip hop, pop, country, and bluegrass, so I'm pretty well rounded.

I don't like math. I find it evil. But I do like science. So it's bad that I don't like math, because math and science go together.

I am also an artist, though you wouldn't know any of my work. I've never made a dime off of it, so it's just mine. Though, it isn't too bad.

I'm trying to get into plays this year, but you just never know. If writing doesn't work out, I think I'll pursue theatre. That is, if I ever make the audition.

Okay, I should really sum up the rest of my quirks:

Obsessions:
Harry Potter
Lord of the Rings
the supernatural in general
fantasy
The Princess Bride
Pirates of the Caribbean (the newest obsession. yay! *waves big johnny depp and orlando bloom flag*)
slash fanfiction (oh yeah, you know you love it too)
writing
reading
watching movies
hanging out
the internet (i know I'm a bum)
performing
music (both listening and performing)
Cicero (a character from my book that I think I have an obsession over ... he's just so COOL!)

And, last but not least, this Live Journal (judging by the size of this entry).

That's me in a very small nutshell. You'll get to know me better soon enough.

Psykiapa

I WAS SO NERDY! (Actually, I guess it's not really a "was" sort of thing - I AM super nerdy.)

It all started at livejournal. Now, it's branched out to four different blogs (though I think I'll stop with this blogspot. Just ... no need for four.)

Here are linkies:

Livejournal. Oh, the old memories. This is my actual personal blog, since it can be Friends Only.

thInk Blots. New blog! Haven't really done much with it yet, but I think it's going to be my blog where I talk about making recycled clothing and things and sell shit. Artsy blog, and it will also talk about my steps toward a more sustainable life. I made this blog so that I could be a contributor on ...

Solutionaries. This is the Summer of Solutions blog, where people post about philosophical stuff in the green movement, their own stories, and update about what's going on for them. I haven't done my intro entry yet, but will sometime soon.

I'm a little bit wary of having to use my actual name for the wordpress blogs. My slightly paranoid self is a little worried that someone I don't like would find my blogs, and then find me. This is vaguely irrational, but a real concern otherwise. I have a history of stalkers and bad exes.

If something comes of it, I'll just have to deal with it like an adult.

In other news, am taking a mental health day. I really need it. I already woke up stressed about all the shit I have to do - and it's quite a long list. Will update on that at the end of the day. Hopefully, by the end of this week I'll have something together so I feel less frantic about things. So much is going on right now, and next week is going to be hell due to the Earth Week thing. (This is a big deal for environmentalists.)

I'm going to go make a To Do list now, and then be productive.

Collaborative Research!

I GOT THE GRANT! I GOT THE GRANT!

Hello, collaborative research! Hello, not needing to find a job yet! Hello SUMMER OF SOLUTIONS!

This is so awesome! Money + research opportunity + life coming together = massive amounts of awesome!

All that work over spring break really, REALLY paid off! And now for the happy dance and the relaxation about the summer.

Crawling out of my skin

x-posted from Livejournal. Originally written late last night.

I've decided that I need to travel in the spring. I get restless. That's an understatement.

I'm also navigating yet another life crisis. I think that I should just say "My life is a journey, with a plot, and constant crisis."

This time, it's money, which I'm nervous about to begin with. And we don't have that many hours at the costume shop. Goddamit, Easter. I need a second job, but don't have time, so I have to quit one of my organizations. I've actually needed to do that for a while - my life is ridiculously complicated. The question is, which one?

Am also getting anxious about this summer. I need moneys ... preferably in the form of a research grant.

I just want to curl up for a week and disappear. I think that's what spring break was supposed to be. I had the social spring break, but not the solitary spring break.

If I had the money, I would go to Scotland alone in August. It's some big anniversary, so rates there are cheap this year. And hey, Scotland alone. Very spiritual, fairly safe journey.

Unfortunately, no money. None. Whatsoever. Maybe I'll save up to go North alone or something. Should be worthwhile.

I need to get the hell out of here. Leaving always makes home better.

And now ... sleep.

What if?

What would happen if ...

I went to Bangladesh next January.
I kept going to yoga every week, at least once if not twice.
I spent some time doing hard-core activist work, but then settled down to a menial job at a coffee shop, bookstore, or other retail job.
I could work on my writing, maybe get a few things published.

What if, instead of going on to traditional grad school, I decided to become a yoga practitioner, or a masseuse, or a henna artist?
Maybe I could open a recycled clothing/book store.
Maybe I could find purpose in simplicity and not run myself into the ground.
I could still do some organizing, but it wouldn't necessarily be my job.

Maybe later, when I really knew what I wanted to teach, I could become a professor. But much later in life.

Maybe I could join the Peace Corps. Maybe not.

There are so many what ifs in my life right now. So many possibilities that sometimes I scare myself thinking of all of them. And I know there is an infinity of possibilities. There is so much potential in every moment.

I'm afraid of missing something.

Not much has happened

My moods have been swinging up and down strangely all day. I don't quite know what to make of them. Acting was really fun this morning, and then I went to get lunch. I don't know if I was upset about the lack of good food, or general irritation, or what, but I got super crabby really fast. And it wasn't fun for anyone. It feels a little bit like PMS with a vengeance.

Then I took an hour long nap. Felt better, upon waking up, and have been trying to work on my short story for creative writing since then. It's going slowly. I think I'll take a break to accomplish some other homework-y things.

At the very least, it feels good to have most of my homework caught up on. That makes things better.

I am liking the switch over to the new voice for the novel, but it's hard to break out of my old writing style. This short story thing is a good idea, though, as I will actually get a chance to edit. Hopefully that will make me feel better about my skills as a writer. As of right now, it's sucking the big one.

Hmm ... I think some writerly TLC may be in order. Reading encouraging books on writing will be nice.

Finished the cowl yesterday. It's a fuck-up. And I also failed to bind it off correctly, so it's dying. Gah. Fail. Fail, fail, FAIL. At least now I can get started on my new purse. I need lots and lots of practice if I'm going to start up an etsy shop/generally sell my things.

Back to homework now. Maybe I should update about spring break? Is that necessary?

The trick is to keep breathing ...

Oh god, I think I've come down with the crazy. Seriously.

Spring break is torturous in that it isn't quite long enough. It gives me just a taste of time off, but fails to provide real time for that. I haven't got nearly what I wanted to get done done this week. Oh well, I always have grand plans for whenever I'm on break and it just doesn't happen.

I've been thinking quite seriously about selling things on Etsy. Before I do that, of course, I have to work on a wide variety of projects. I'm thinking I'll sell knitted things, sewn things, and possibly some collage art. Yeeeeaaaah. It's all very exciting, and gives me an excuse to make things. I may also make some wall-hanging type things. I have no idea what I'll make them out of, but that would be cool. I do so love interior decorating.

Now, I just need to finish the knitting project I've been working on. My cats actually bit the ball of yarn off the project so they could bat it around. I'm torn between annoyance and letting my heart melt due to the cute. It is very cute of them to become so aggressively involved with my projects, but I'm a little worried about the outcome of this project. Oh well.

Spent most of this afternoon attempting to write a short story for creative writing. It's a bit of an experiment - I hate being that girl who just writes a chapter of the novel, but honestly, I need to experiment with point of view. I can already tell that going from this character's point of view will make the story better, but it's a big commitment to switching over. I'm not going to throw out everything I've written, but instead I'll do a section in one point of view, and a section in another.

Unfortunately, the short story is giving me problems. At least I'll be able to edit this one and beat it into shape, rather than living wtih the embarrassment like I must with the novel.

Mom and I have a date tonight. She's going to buy me a skirt or a pair of pants. This is all kinds of exciting - I'm thinking a new, summer skirt may just be in order. We're also going to go out to eat, and then to Borders. Yes, please.

Pink grapefruit and yogurt

Is my breakfast. Mmmmm, tasty. However, my dad didn't really tell me how to make coffee correctly, so I've basically made myself tea from coffee beans. Eurgh. Just added milk; that may help. May be a lost cause.

I'm very happy to be back at home. I feel like Spring Break has finally started. I mean, really, it started when I got my research proposal in (omg, really want to hear back about that), but my brother was around, so things were off. And now he's not here, and I'm done with work, so ... that means, naturally, that my break has started.

I didn't expect to get alone-time today, but apparently I will. I'm going to use it to get some sewing done - I'm making this dress for myself, out of emerald silk. It will be very beautiful, but it is sort of complicated. We'll see how this goes.

By lunch, I'm planning on going to the Acoustic and hunkering down with a sandwich, some tea (or coffee-thing), and getting some reading done for Creative Writing. I'm supposed to read all of these short stories and journal about them. Really, it's not a huge deal, but it kind of fell by the wayside due to Powershift. And it's not terribly strenuous homework. Short stories? Yes please.

I also have to write a short story of my own, which will require planning. Mmmm, yes.

I'm actually in a fairly good mood, despite the date-failure of this weekend. (Hence my declaration that I'm a frigid cow.)

I think I'll get a lot done on that dress, and it's super pretty. Now, I just have to brush the teeth and go out to get thread. I wish I didn't have to, but apparently we don't have emerald thread. Why? It's such a useful color!

I will post pictures of things once they're finished. I'm considering opening a shop on Etsy, and making me the moneys. I do like to sew and knit things, but can't possibly need so many things. It will take a while, but I'll post pictures here and hopefully get some good feedback.

Off to go be productive. *muah* Thank you all for putting up with me. Sometimes I wonder why I have friends.

Micro-update

Quick update:

*Computer dead. Am very sad-face about it.
*SPRING BREAK YEAH!
*Am a workaholic.
*And a frigid cow.
*Signed the lease.
*Getting. Shit. Done.
*Need to make money by doing something with a very small time commitment. Perhaps I should donate plasma. Unfortunately, have recent tattoo. Damn it.

Yup. That's about it. Can't wait to get back to Menom.

A View Post-Midterms

Music: "Pas Encore" - Pomplamoose
Location: The Homestead
Mood: Happy

Today, I FINALLY submitted my collaborative research proposal.

That has been my day. I woke up, started working on the proposal, and didn't really stop. Ten pages and seven hours later, I was able to send it in for submission. Here's hoping I can get the grant - that would be $2,500 for the summer.

If I don't get the research, I'll take a class. And either way, I'll be doing Summer of Solutions.

To celebrate officially being on break, I'm going to go chill with some friends tonight. I'll have to call Carolyn, to see if I can go over early to chill with her for a bit. It feels so good to be able to relax.

And, you guessed it. It's that special time. Plug time!:

Summer of Solutions is awesome. Check out the website! That's just the Twin Cities site, but you could go to several different places. Here's a list of all program placements. We're hoping to get as many cool cats as possible working on it, so you should join us!

End plug time.

My home life is somewhat bizarre right now. My brother is actually in town for a visit. He'll only be here until really early Sunday morning, but he's here. I really haven't seen him in something like two years, so it's really weird to see him. I forgot how quiet he is sometimes, and how laid back. I forgot that he smokes. But he remembers a lot. I feel like a vaguely self-centered being.

Tomorrow my dad and brother are brewing beer together. Hence, I'm going to try to get out of the house. Anyone have any ideas? I am more than happy to do pretty much anything. Except, you know, homicide. Most other things are still allowed.

Chronic Nervous Conditions Can Be Overcome

Wow, this week has been awful, but I'm almost done. I think my midterms ripped out my soul. I might need a replacement.

And getting ill really doesn't help. I don't think I actually had the stomach flu, it was more of a nervous condition combined with a chronic exhaustion. Spring break can't come soon enough.

But from the perspective of the now, things are looking pretty good. All I have to do now is some reading for tomorrow morning, and then I'm in the money.

I got my background check in to the house I want to rent. Now, as soon as that goes through, Kira and I can sign a lease. Yes! I think we're the only ones that have submitted background checks, so we're already ahead of the game. I'll email the landlady to make sure she got our stuff. I really hope this works out, teh apartment is the cutest thing ever, and it's super convenient. When we toured it, I felt this glowing feeling of all being right, you know, that feeling that this is the place.

Pictures of that will come, of course, once we've signed a lease/moved in. Moving party? Yes?

I also think that my research proposal is in a form that is as close to finished as possible. I sent it off to my professor-collaborator, and here's hoping that they give me funding to do the project. It's really, really exciting, and I might use this research to launch a grassroots campaign. But first, I really need to get the lay of the land, which is exactly what this project is for. It will also be really good to familiarize myself with policy surrounding renewable energy and tribal lands, and to worm my way into the system.

Had a meeting today with Timothy from Summer of Solutions, and I may have bitten off more than I can chew. I have a project for spring break now, though, and this stuff really needs to get rolling. I won't go into the details of what I'm doing, but Summer of Solutions is going full throttle on the grassroots fundraising effort, and we need to start delegating positions to get the logistics figured out. Like ... housing. And ... office space. And ... stipends.

Lots of work, but very exciting, and I believe in my heart that this is entirely necessary.

Everything is starting to come together, I think, for so many aspects of my life. And then ... ten days of as much break as I'm going to get. Yesssss. I'll post a schedule of my break for those of you who know me in real life. It's looking a bit complicated, but it should be workable.

EDIT: WE GOT THE APARTMENT! This is so perfect - I'm really, really happy. I have a place to live next year!

LIfe? I have one?

My life is pretty good right now, aside from schoolwork. I think. Maaaaybe.

I have a date for the first time in a year, and that's always exciting. We don't know when we're going out, or what we're doing, but it will happen. I am determined, and he sounded excited/nervous when I talked to him on the phone.

That's a good thing. Also, I didn't get into the university apartments, but I think that's alright. I've already found some very exciting options for off-campus housing. I've already got a visit scheduled tomorrow - it's the best deal so far. The landlord seems really nice, and it's two blocks away, and all utilities are included in rent, including cable and internet. That's amazing, really. And it's only something like $550 a month. I think they've also got off-street parking, which is another thing that's super important.

I know that it's important to keep looking, but honestly, I'm almost ready to sign this lease. It seems perfect.

There's another place two blocks away, right behind one of my favorite coffee shops. I'm not sure what the utilities are, and if internet or cable is included, but I really like the location and it seems cute. I'll definitely be calling them later today.

And on top of the house search, I've got so much homework I can barely conceive of anything else. One of my professors assigned a book and a paper for this weekend for the midterm. Yeah. It's 164 pages, which is better than I had thought, but he prefaced the assignment with "Now, this author decided to create a new genre in historical accounting. It's difficult, translated from Italian, and while very exciting, very difficult. Don't start this Sunday night."

And I was all like "thanks Carl, for destroying my soul."

That's on top of crazy homework in my other classes, which I am also behind in. Gah! Not good! So basically, I'm screwed for the weekend. Do not attempt to talk to me, or get me to hang out with you, it will be a failure.

I'm really excited that spring break is coming soon. I'm so stressed that I woke up stressed out, with a backache and a headache. I will attempt to meditate at some point today, but that may not be that effective, given my stress levels. Spring break just needs to get here faster. Ready ... go.

Wow, I just realized how ridiculously hot my dorm room is. It's probably in the 90s. This is not necessary, not at all. And I have no way of changing that.

Quick break to update

I've been working on my creative writing homework all morning. Well, since I got out of class.

I'm pretty sure that the invention of the mocha is the only way I'm vertical right now. My sleep schedule is, yet again, attempting to do weird things. I could barely keep my eyes open all day yesterday, and last night I could hardly keep myself in bed. What the fuck, sleep schedule? Seriously.

I've been writing a lot of poetry lately, and am feeling more and more ashamed of my novel. Perhaps "ashamed" isn't the right word. "Self-conscious" might be a better one. It's a first draft, and therefore shitty, and I haven't taken the time lately to do any world/plot-building, character work, or even just vomiting ideas into a notebook. For what it's worth, I wrote a poem from the point of view of one of my characters. And I think I like that one poem better than the majority of the shit I've written on my NOVEL which is 15 CHAPTERS LONG.

Despite all of these wibbles, I'm feeling pretty damn good about writing right now. I'm such a masochist. My writing is fueled by when it needs to be ripped into little shreds.

I've also been struggling to get my research proposal in, polished, and the details for that solidified. This is going well, but I'm starting on the new idea so late in the game that I'm a bit worried. Honestly, I'll still be working on Summer of Solutions if I don't get the proposal. If I don't get the grant, it will just mean that I'll need to get a job or an internship on the side. Not ideal, but doable.

Tomorrow is room draw for the apartments. I really hope that we can get an apartment, but have been collecting numbers and stuff just in case we don't. I think I'll be fine with life either way, the apartments are just the most ideal situation.

Anyway, off to do more homework. I just thought I should get a little update out there. Yes. Updates on life are good.


Edit: This quote really sums up my feelings about my novel quite nicely:

Can I write? Will I write if I practice enough? How much should I sacrifice to writing anyway, before I find out if I'm any good? Above all, CAN A SELFISH EGOCENTRIC JEALOUS AND UNIMAGINATIVE FEMALE WRITE A DAMN THING WORTHWHILE? - Sylvia Plath.

I feel your pain, Sylvia.