Quick break to update

I've been working on my creative writing homework all morning. Well, since I got out of class.

I'm pretty sure that the invention of the mocha is the only way I'm vertical right now. My sleep schedule is, yet again, attempting to do weird things. I could barely keep my eyes open all day yesterday, and last night I could hardly keep myself in bed. What the fuck, sleep schedule? Seriously.

I've been writing a lot of poetry lately, and am feeling more and more ashamed of my novel. Perhaps "ashamed" isn't the right word. "Self-conscious" might be a better one. It's a first draft, and therefore shitty, and I haven't taken the time lately to do any world/plot-building, character work, or even just vomiting ideas into a notebook. For what it's worth, I wrote a poem from the point of view of one of my characters. And I think I like that one poem better than the majority of the shit I've written on my NOVEL which is 15 CHAPTERS LONG.

Despite all of these wibbles, I'm feeling pretty damn good about writing right now. I'm such a masochist. My writing is fueled by when it needs to be ripped into little shreds.

I've also been struggling to get my research proposal in, polished, and the details for that solidified. This is going well, but I'm starting on the new idea so late in the game that I'm a bit worried. Honestly, I'll still be working on Summer of Solutions if I don't get the proposal. If I don't get the grant, it will just mean that I'll need to get a job or an internship on the side. Not ideal, but doable.

Tomorrow is room draw for the apartments. I really hope that we can get an apartment, but have been collecting numbers and stuff just in case we don't. I think I'll be fine with life either way, the apartments are just the most ideal situation.

Anyway, off to do more homework. I just thought I should get a little update out there. Yes. Updates on life are good.


Edit: This quote really sums up my feelings about my novel quite nicely:

Can I write? Will I write if I practice enough? How much should I sacrifice to writing anyway, before I find out if I'm any good? Above all, CAN A SELFISH EGOCENTRIC JEALOUS AND UNIMAGINATIVE FEMALE WRITE A DAMN THING WORTHWHILE? - Sylvia Plath.

I feel your pain, Sylvia.